Why?

"Although we may be satisfied with our lives both financially and materially, seeking only after material satisfaction could take away our very reason for existing. The question is this: self-affirmation or self-denial ("Do I stay true to myself or not?")? The voice forced this question." Shiho Kanzaki

I think about what I do and why I do it. The little motivations that make me choose one path over another other are rarely as spontaneous as they appear, nor are they as calculated as I deserve credit or blame for. On the whole, I try to think about my actions and reactions in hopes that I may anticipate the opportunity to live consciously.

One conscious decision that I make every morning is to go to work. What I have chosen for work does not come with a guide book. The day is filled with moments that challenge me and tempt me away, but on the whole, I look forward to opening the doors and setting the day in motion.

The challenge that we face every day is to make the most of it. This is not easy to measure because it can not be calculated simply in terms of work accomplished or money earned. The days that I remember have more to do with being awake than any constructed purpose. For instance, one hot summer day, I was deeply involved in the work, but I had reached a point where I needed a break. Coming back from the house, I walked by the swing seat under the trees and it looked attractive to me. I stopped, went back to it and sat down. My mind was roiling with thoughts, but sitting there in the shade it began to calm down. My backyard has a high canopy of leaves formed by the tall hardwoods. I can walk from the house to the shop without ever getting direct sunlight. The ground is covered with moss and it is one of my favorite spots in the summer because it is always cooler under the trees. My thoughts finally settled and I became aware of an ever so gentle breeze on my cheek. It felt really soft and cool, almost like a kiss. What it was, I realized, was the natural convection of air, flushed with fresh oxygen from the trees. It slid over my skin like a blessing. I don't remember what I was working on that day, but I will forever remember that kiss. It reminds me to be quiet.

Sometimes it is very hard to make things. It isn't that we don't work, but the times when we struggle most are when we work without purpose. What the craftsman has after his work is done is the way the work has changed him. The work is sold and goes away, the money is spent and so nothing is left of any real value except what we have gleaned from the experience. When I surrender that through unconscious activity, then there is no purpose and I am empty.

The contrast  is the time that has been spend unraveling the cocoon of consciousness. All those thoughts that fill our mind and occupy our precious time so far away from our hands, must be noticed and then swept away. With that simple duty, we can begin to make use of our time. We begin to interact. 

I speak of consciousness in loose and often contradictory ways, because in fact consciousness defies description. We move through it like levels of light. Like light, what we are able to perceive depends on the clarity, brilliance and color of our consciousness.